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(dis)couraged

September 8, 2017

Ok, friends, I'm diving into this one straight away.

What happens when your positive mindset fails you? What happens when you write for a site called (en)courage while feeling very....(dis)couraged. I got a lot of experience in this arena over the last week or so.


Oooooof.
 

Confession: Not so long ago I used to operate completely in a low vibe, negative space. I was negative about everything. I constantly felt like I wasn’t capable of anything, that opportunity would never come knocking, I'd never get back in shape, I'd never do this, or have that.
 

But back in May of this year, I started working on my mindset. And things changed.


I began focusing on maintaining a positive mindset, shifting not just my mind but the way I lived my life.
 

It was beautiful! Oh! How spectacular it was! From that shift came this blog, a newfound ability to have confidence in my actions. I actually started believing in myself. For the first time, maybe, ever.

   And then $h!t hit the fan.


One day, my old friend anxiety invited itself over to remind me that I haven't been to my deep, dark hole** recently. **this is what I call the place that my mind and emotions disappear to when anxiety attacks.

When anxiety appears, I cower.  Negativity floods my mind and every corner of my life. I disengage from my friends and my support system. Over the years, I've become really accustomed to cl
imbing out of my deep, dark hole. But this was the first time I had to get myself out of there since practicing this new positive way of thinking and living. I was *shook.* It hurt so much more to be back in that space now that I know how much better it feels on the other side.

I was bruised. I was discouraged. Again.

This round, my anxiety was brought on by comparing my life, my outcomes, and my abilities to a bunch people I don’t even know and some that I do. Today, I’m climbing out of my deep, dark hole. While I climb, and while my bruises heal - here's what I'm telling myself:

No one has the same experiences in life. No matter how similar someone’s situation may look to mine, every person is different and every experience is unique to them.
 

Just because it feels like I'm wading out into a giant ocean with no land in sight, it doesn't mean I've forgotten how to swim.


Sometimes, in order to be our best, we have to be reminded of what our worst feels like.

Every moment, good, bad, jealous, happy, sad is a moment that we can appreciate for the growth it provides. We become whole people because of those moments.

My soul might be a little achey right now, a little pushed around, a little discouraged. But I'm climbing! I'll be back on even ground soon, and that's the best part.

These moments of anxiety that used to
crush me and take over my life for months upon months, are becoming small little blips. I've started to see these blips as opportunities for growth, to reprioritize and remember what I CAN do. For the first time, I'm climbing out of my deep, dark hole and TOWARDS something.

 

I guess my positive mindset hasn't failed me, after all.

 

-- Love ya, mean it, 

Christina 

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